Still Mourning Pee Wee

Well it has almost been a week since I lost my little poodle and I am still not handling it very well. Everything around my house reminds me of him and I still blame myself for him dying. I go through so many emotions, right now I am really just plain mad at myself. I still get lots of advice from family and friends on how wrong I am about the way I feel, but it just doesn't matter to me what they are saying. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate the words and the concern, but this is just something that I have to get through on my own. Later on I will probably reflect on their words and will appreciate it even more, but for now nothing is helping me. I am angry and sad at the same time and just plain miss my little Pee Wee. His little life was just way too short. Wayne is really angry that I haven't eaten anything but a couple of boiled eggs and a few grapes in 6 days, but I just can't even think about eating without getting sick to my stomach. I know I can't do that forever and I am going to have to force myself to start eating again soon (if nothing else but to make Wayne happy).

I only have a couple of people that I can even discuss this with because not very many people around me love animals like I do and they just don't understand. They cannot comprehend why I am so upset about a "dog". That really upsets me because it isn't just a dog to me, my dogs are like an extended family to me and I love them a lot. I recently talked with a friend that is also raising dogs and she has helped me a lot, she has been through a little of what I have and she loves her dogs so she totally gets what I am going through. I know that I have to move on and that I will always have dogs and that they will die, but that won't stop me because I enjoy having dogs in my life. Wayne told me that he was never letting me get another dog unless I promise him that I won't ever let it get to me like it has this time, when I lose one. I told him that I would not promise that and I would definitely always have dogs in my life. I think he knew that was one battle that he wouldn't win and I know he is only saying these things because he loves me and is just trying to protect my heart. I love him for that, but he will just have to understand and just love & support me.

Anyways, just say a prayer for me that I can just be happy with my memories of Pee Wee and prepare myself one day for another sweet puppy.