I had to say goodbye to the most precious pet (family member) on September 17, 2013 exactly 12 years & 8 months to the day he was born. It was such a hard thing to go through and I was here by myself. Wayne had gone to Kansas deer hunting and was planning on heading home about lunch that day, but after I texted him, he headed back a little while later.
Jazz had been sick for about 8 weeks with congestive heart failure. I thought I was going to lose him one day while Wayne & I were swimming at Richland Creek. Leanne was checking on them when she realized something was wrong with him. She kept trying to call me, but we had no service. She finally got ahold of my neighbor Kathy who had previously been a medic so she knew she would come quickly and help. Kathy stayed with Jazz for 3 hours waiting & praying for him until I could get home. I still believe he hung on for me and once he saw me he got a little better. I took him to the emergency vet when I got home and we were there for at least 2 hours. The vet was great with him and did everything she could do to help him and felt like I needed to take him to a emergency vet clinic in Little Rock to be in an oxygen chamber & a lacix drip. She gave me the number to call & let them know if I was coming. All I could do was cry, I didn't know what was the best thing to do, I just wanted to do what was best for him. After leaving we were driving down the road and I was still crying and asked Wayne what should I do, he asked me "What do you think would be best for Jazz" without hesitating I said to be with me. He said then you have your answer. If anyone ever knew Jazz they knew that he never ever wanted to be away from me. I was his whole world, he was always happiest when I was with him, no matter where that might be.
We brought him home with meds that I had to give him twice a day. He slowly got better and even played a little and got excited a few times, but mostly he just layed around on his chair or beside me. I took him pretty much everywhere I went unless there was a reason I couldn't and it was too hot to be in the vehicle. I just wanted to make our last days together special and let him know just how much he meant to me. I had tried not to think about him passing away, I honestly didn't think I would ever make it without him. Just looking at his sweet tiny little face always brought a smile to my face & always made me feel better when I was sad.
He was pretty bad the night before he died and I knew it wouldn't be long, I just set by him while his breathing was laboured and told him how much I loved him. It was all I could do to watch him, so I was going to take him the next day to do whatever we had to no matter how hard it was going to be. That was something I had dreaded for some time. I layed him on his blanket on my bed beside me and he slept for awhile, but then got really restless so I put him down in his little cedar bed that Wayne built for him. That was about 4 am. At six am I woke up and knew he was gone. It took me awhile before I could look down at his bed because I knew and dreaded seeing him. I finally got the courage to look and sure enough he was laying there peacefully, but he was gone. I picked him up and cradled him in my arms while the tears flowed down my face. I held him like that for sometime before I could send that dreaded text to Wayne.
I layed him down in his bed wrapped in his blanket until Wayne could get home to build him his little cedar casket. It was really really tough going into my bedroom and seeing him lay there, but I couldn't bring myself to not go in there just to touch him. My heart was breaking and it still is. I can't talk about him with the tears uncontrollably springing to my eyes. I feel like something is missing and I am just in limbo waiting for him to come back. I miss him every single day of my life and if you have never owned and loved a pet then you will never understand how hard it is to lose them. He was such a big part of my life, I was here at home with him more than I was with my own family. I don't know if I will ever stop missing him and I just pray that our beloved pets are in heaven waiting on us because I couldn't function not believing that one day I will get to hold that little tiny white teacup poodle in my arms and see his sweet face looking at me with the love I always saw in his face when he looked at me :'(
I was talking about Jazz recently with Wayne and was so upset, he is always trying to comfort me and tries to understand how sad and broken hearted I am. He told me that he really believes that Jazz hung on those last 8 weeks just for me, to try to prepare me for him going on. That he loved me so much and in his way was trying to be there for me. I will always have that picture in my head of turning to look at him the night before he died and I seen him just staring at me with this look on his face like he was trying to memorize my face and was letting me know that he loved me too. I hope I always remember his sweet face and never forget all the memories I had with him since he was 7 weeks old. I love and miss you Jazz!!
JAZZ YOU WILL FOREVER BE IN MY HEART
1/17/01 - 9/17/13
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